There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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