im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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