i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
