just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
