There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They have beer where we have blood.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
