rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
