Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
