So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
