Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
