Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
