ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
