giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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