I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
