I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
