Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
