The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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