She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
