Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
