absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I want to walk on stilts...naked
false alarm. still invincible.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
