I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
