We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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