kristin has been a bad kristin
My balls are so social today.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
