NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
