I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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