My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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