I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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