thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
