Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There r osticjed everywhere
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
