Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
