You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
