i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
