listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
