dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
