dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
