Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
