If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
