I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
