I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
