There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
