I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
