I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
