If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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