you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
