Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
