Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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