He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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