I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
