I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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