I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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