I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
