got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
